Friday, December 9, 2011

BOOK REVIEW: Donations To Clarity by Noah Baird

Donations To Clarity is a Fiction Comedy.

The U.S. Government has a plan.  They want to naturalize the mythical creatures such as Bigfoot, little green men, Loch Ness etc. However, they need to make a smooth transition, afterall, you couldn't have them make their appearance during Super Bowl Sunday without any kind of forewarning to the zombies, er, people in society.  Using hoaxes and subterfuge they work to make the transgression as easy as possible.

Three hapless characters, Earl, Patch and Harry, are unwittingly drawn into the government scheme when they are approached by three MIB's and asked to plant fake Bigfoot material in the woods around their town.  The three, believing they are about to make a fortune, agree.  At first they plant foot prints and the like but become bored with the procedure and decide to buy themselves a Chewbaca costume, open a Bigfoot Sighting Tour company and play on the fears and hopes of the populace.

At first their plan seems successful until Ian King, in his third year of graduate work at the College of Environmental Science and Forestry, turns up missing.  Now, Police Chief, Flan Paan, who believes he is the reincarnation of Elvis; he also dresses, walks and talks in Elvis song prose and Deputy O'Boogie, a dope smoking, Julian Lennon wanna be, are on the case.  Investigating the disappearance of Ian, they run into something strange things in the woods, from Chief Paan being shot to Earl being kidnapped by Bigfoot to be Bigfoot's love slave, the antics are a wild ride of crazy adventure as all the characters rush to their roller-coaster conclusion.

I thought this was an intelligently written piece of literature.  I loved the wit and the comedic sense that was shared with the reader.  When Earl first met Bigfoot, there were tears rolling down my face from laughter and it was hard to continue reading in such a manner.  I was tad disappointed that the hilarity did not continue, my imagination took me to another outcome and I had to put the book down for a few moments to collect myself.

I enjoyed the back stories and the secondary characters and thought they worked well with the plot.  I thought Bigfoot was hilariously written though its no wonder the poor thing has troubles with women, he totally has it wrong or else is hanging out with the wrong women. 

I loved the insane asylum chapters and enjoyed reading about Ted Carp and all his persona's, he was well placed in the book in order to bring about the end results.  I thought the pieces on Elvis was perfect, being a conspiracy theorist I could totally imagine the narrative shared as being believable to the story. 

I didn't mind there being a lot of "guy" humour dispersed throughout, it was not offensive to myself anyhow, and thought it was fitting of the characters as they were written.  If you are offended by profanity and vulgar antics, then you may wish to steer away from this one, however, it's not written in an offensive way whatsoever.

I would give Donations To Clarity a four out of five stars.  While I enjoyed the read, I felt there could have been more zany and more crazy, I wanted it to keep me laughing to the very end and found it came in spurts.  When author Noah Baird is on, you will fly through the witty, captivating passages until he allows you to leave, however, I wish there had been more of it.  Great read and highly recommend if you enjoy the offbeat.

The plan was simple: hoax bigfoot, then sell tours to bigfoot enthusiasts. The plan wasn’t brilliant, and neither were Harry, Earl, and Patch. The three chemical-abusing friends only wanted to avoid the 9 to 5 rat race, but their antics attract the attention of a real bigfoot. When the misogynistic Earl is mistaken for a female bigfoot by the nearsighted creature and captured; it is just the beginning of their problems. The U.S. Government has a plan to naturalize the mythical creatures living within the U.S. borders. The problem is the plan needs to be carried out carefully. You can’t just drop little green men and Sasquatch in the middle of Walmart without warning Ma and Pa Taxpayer. The naturalization program is not ready to be set into motion, and the rogue bigfoot is bringing too much attention to itself, including a feisty investigative reporter who uncovers the truth of the government conspiracy and two bigfoot researchers. No longer able to contain the situation, government agents are tasked with eliminating the bigfoot and all witnesses. Between bong hits and water balloon fights, Harry and Patch come up with a plan to save Earl and the lovestruck bigfoot. Where do you hide a giant, mythical creature? In an insane asylum, because who is going to listen to them? Along the way, the three friends learn Star Wars was a government training film for children, the truth behind Elvis meeting President Nixon, and the significance of the weight of the human turd.

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 ** Disclosure: I did not accept any compensation from the sponsors other than review copies, my views are my own, reviewed by I see it~!! **