Saturday, December 3, 2011

Do You Feel the Need to Control Others?

Ok, lets get honest with ourslelves, some of us are control freaks and we simply feel the urge to control not only our own lives but often the lives of other people around us, including our friends and family.   We often feel 'complelled to jump in and rescue other people around us - even if they haven't even asked for our help.    Sometimes, helping other people is a great habit to have, but trying to always control or sort out other people's issues could end up having an effect on your relationships and on your own own emotional well being.

 So what is behind the need to be in control, interfere in other peoples business  or be a compulsive ‘fixer’?

Read through my list below to see if any of these traits apply to you:
  • You compulsively go to someone’s rescue, regardless of whether they request your help or not. You just feel the need to 'help'. 
  • You have a belief that you know best and people will be happier if they just do what you want them to do.  You feel you know what is best for other people. 
  • You feel the need to change people ' into what you want them to be' because you have difficulty accepting them the way they actually are.
  • You believe that you know what is best for others and try your best to make them see things your way.
  • You accept personal responsibility for the actions of other people and feel they are a reflection of you.
  • You cannot help but give advice to others or offer your help to them.
  • People may have said in the past that you are interfering in their lives.
  • You have a strong need to feel wanted or needed which leads to you becoming involved in the business of others.
  • You develop relationships where people may become dependant on you
  • You cannot remain emotionally detached if you come across someone you see as needing your help. You take on their feelings.
  • You often neglect your own needs in favour of helping others around you.
  • You might become angry or resentful with those you have helped if they don’t show enough recognition for what you have done.  You may think that they ' owe you' in some way
Here are a few of my top tips to break the habit of being a control freak:
  • Only offer your help other others who clearly request it.  Don't assume everyone wants or needs your help.   
  • Start believing that other people have the ability to fix their own problems.  It is only then that we can sometimes learn important lessons!
  • Don’t get hooked on needing recognition or recocnition for your help from others. Approve of yourself!
  • Accept that the only person you should control is yourself. 
  • Realize that people have the ability to change themselves if they really want to.   We all need to take responsibility for our own lives and sometimes, helping someone out is not the best thing to do.  We are own responsible for our own lives.
  • Recognise that often we need to ' let go' and let the universe sort out the issues of ourselves and our loved ones.
Letting go of the need to control can be a difficult habit to break for some but in learning to let go, you will feel less stressed and allow the universe to work out a much better outcome for all!

Sydney Life Coach Lisa Phillips specialises coaching women all over the world and it is her goal to help other really believe in themselves and free themselves from negative emotions.
She is the owner of Amazing coaching and hosts an inspirational ' Spritual and Irritable' radio show on blog talk radio.   Why not sign up to Lisa's newsletter at!/AmazingCoaching to receive a free gift and success tips.    You can also join  Lisa on her Facebook page to receive a daily dose of inspiration and fun.!/AmazingCoaching.  What have you got to lose?